Sometimes grace can be found in the most unusual places. This weekend I found it as I walked the streets of my childhood with my sister as we revisited the home of our youth.
We laughed a lot and cried some, too, as we shared our thoughts and memories of an incredibly blessed, but sometimes hellish, childhood. As we sat and looked at our old home where fear held us under its terrible dominion for so long, we were able to begin to talk about what has left such a long shadow on our lives. Sometimes, the monster is never acknowledged for fear it will rise again to "get you" but we, as much as we were able, took the children we were by the hand, reassured them, and led them into the present.
We cried mostly to remember the kindness of all the people that God had placed in our lives: teachers, neighbors, friends who adopted two raggedy muffin girls and loved them. There were the neighbors who gave us endless popsicles and Kool-Aid, who never complained no matter how often we rang their doorbell, "Can so and so come out and play?", or "Can we walk your dog?", and the teachers who loved us, just loved us, and showed us God in their lives. There were parents who took us on trips with their families, giving us a glimpse of a bigger world, and parents who gave us some of the best Saturday afternoons of our childish lives. How many fathers take not only his son and his friend horseback riding but also the tagalong younger sister and then spends the afternoon leading on foot that same younger sister around on her horse because she is frightened? God bless you, Mr. Luke, you taught me something that day about men and kindness.
We revisited our schools, our homes, our friends' homes, and we even knocked on a few doors! We are still linked in many people's minds...we are "the girls", Terri and Jamie, and we received quite a few wide smiles and were greeted with some hugs too. Some things never change!
But the best part of going home was receiving a call after we had already left! An old friend had finally gotten home to find our message and was calling us back. Well, we were already 45 minutes away, what to do but TURN AROUND and head back!! And there was our old friend, laughing and happy to see us after so many years. Can you say THIRTY?!? We walked the neighborhood, recalling names and places and memories, as the sun set over the Elizabeth River and the familiar smell of the salt marsh floated on the evening air. We stood at the eighteenth hole of the golf course and laughed and talked as if we'd just seen each other yesterday because that is how friendship is-time doesn't change hearts that know each other. And this man, who was so much a part of our shared childhood, reminded us, just in being himself, of all the mercy, love, and grace that we each have the opportunity to share with the people in our lives.
What does it really cost us in the end to be kind? To love and to trust others? Even at the risk of someone hurting us?
There will always be people in our lives who take advantage of the grace we extend. There might be the odd person who hurts us with intent and malice much to our confusion. Some people are so broken on the inside that they don't know how to receive or give love only pain.
But we have a choice.
We can greet each day, each moment, acknowledging that others fail us just as we fail them, but determined to be cup-bearers of grace. We can choose to let Christ love through us even when we are out of our own personal resources of love. Jesus said when we saw Him, we actually saw the Father. Our flesh will never be able to love unconditionally. It wasn't created to. But Christ in us can and will if we will choose to trust Him. We can love regardless of what we receive from others because we do not give from what we receive from the world. We give out of what we carry within: a LIFE that is love, and Truth, and peace. We carry Grace in our spirits and we can dispense that life changing gift if we choose. WE ARE NOT WHO WE USED TO BE SINCE HIS LOVE CAME. We can live out of our safe place in His arms.
Thank you, Father, for sisters, roadtrips, your love manifesting through other people, crabbing on the river, High's double dip ice cream cones (bubblegum!!), "Portsmouth's Best She-crab Soup" prepared by the meanest boy I ever knew (He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not), football in the front yard, lifetimes friends, and life. Life is good. YOU ARE GOOD! Thank you for your grace that sometimes brings us back home to let two little girls find peace.
